Category: Contemplations and Musings

We all have heard phrases like “Gratitude is an attitude”, “an attitude of gratitude”.

Really?

I have seen a lot of people who have an attitude of gratitude, but they don’t practice gratitude.

When life sucks, do you incline towards what you don’t have in life or do you just appreciate everything in life?

Brain study and psychological study have proven that gratitude increases happiness and according to Brene Brown, gratitude is a practice.

In her book “the power of vulnerability”, she mentioned that calm and peaceful people constantly practice gratitude. When life isn’t great, they focus their energy on what they have, rather than what they do not have.

In the book “the power of positive thinking”, Norman Vincent Peace mentioned about a very wealthy man who was miserable and had lost all the hope in life and was asked to write down everything he had in life. When he wrote down everything he still had, he was amazed to see he has a lot of things to be grateful and thankful for.

Oprah is known for writing a gratitude journal for many years.

In my gratitude journal, I write all the positive things that happen every day.

You do not have to wait for big things to happen. If a cup of coffee gives you joy, you can be grateful for it and make it part of your journal.

In tough times when I am not feeling so amazing, I practice focusing my energy on what I have, what I have achieved and who I have become.

I try to focus on the opportunities lying ahead and always believe that this is an opportunity for me to grow from it and be grateful to God for putting me in this tough situation because He believes in me and always has a plan.

Let’s talk about spiritual growth.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We’re not human beings having a spiritual experience.

When you have hate, anger, and resentment in you, you’re going to put out the same in the universe and you’ll keep attracting the anger over and over.

Be kind and be loving.

Detach yourself from the outcome. Detachment doesn’t mean that you’re the victim.

It just simply means you’re not attached to the outcome and your life is fulfilled without it as well.

At the end of your life, you won’t say- “you would have worked more, rather you would say, you would have RESTED more.”Being busy is NOT always busy.

We are constantly bombarded with new information and interruptions, leaving us very little time to think about ourselves. There is very little to the no-time left to work on our personal needs.

• Are you always successful in getting the first date but finding it difficult to set more dates with her?
• Do you feel like whatever you do on the first date, she doesn’t want to go out again?
• Have you ever wondered that why she doesn’t want to go out again even though she was very much interested on the first date?
• She sucked the tongue out of your mouth on the first date and when you reached out to her later, she either ghosted you or didn’t want to go on second date or further?

Does it frustrate you?

I understand this feeling and I have been in these situations.

Believe me—it can be emotionally draining sometimes when you go out on the first date and don’t get to see her again.

And when you are too much into her, it becomes painful.

You know what— we grow from struggles and pain and let’s honor the journey.

First date is very important to take it to the next level. It’s like the job interview and you got to put your best foot forward

There was a time in my life when I was getting lot of first dates with different women but most of the time it was challenging to see them again.

When I was learning this stuff, I always asked her for the first date even I wasn’t physically attracted to her just because I wanted to learn and get better at it.

What does it mean to be authentic on the dates?

It simply means “Knowing what you want, who you are as a person and being comfortable in your skin”.

When I was new to this dating world—

• I was trying to be super nice guy to please her. Strong women will feel this and might consider this behavior as a weakness.
• I often changed my opinion to match hers for her to like me. Honestly, this is not a good idea and might come across as a week behavior and I learned this later.
• Strong and confident women might test your strength on the first date. If you are discussing any topic, I would suggest you stick to your opinion, and respect her opinion as well.
• I used to talk a lot about myself instead of asking about her. One woman told me later that- “she liked me as a person. But, I did not ask about her much and it’s a turn off for her”.

Learning? Always ask her good questions to know her. But don’t interrogate her like a robot. Asking questions should also not sound like an interview.

Be enthusiastic and genuine in whatever you ask her.

How to ask her good questions?

Be authentic and ask genuine questions that she might enjoy answering.

Once upon a time, a woman was trying to test me and wanting me to change my opinion. I simply told her—“you are entitled to your opinion, and my opinion is this and that is what I think”.

She later told me that- “she liked my behavior. I am different than other guys because most guys try to change their opinion to please her.”

Never change your opinion to please her. There is a different between pleasing and being who you are. And do not be disrespectful to her either.

I still remember that date when “I asked her to KISS”.

Can you imagine her response?

Her response changed my perspective.

She mentioned that— “As a man, you do not have to ask me to kiss. A man always goes for the kiss”.

Something to think about! Right?

When I was totally new to this dating, I was unsure of what I was looking for and when women asked me this, my response was “we will see, what happens”, and as a result so many women I really liked and who liked me back walked away.

It’s all about being clear about your Intentions. Believe in the Power of Intention.

Successful women are clear about what they want and if you are not sure- you aren’t going to get another chance.

You also need to understand that you don’t have to express your love or liking on the first date. Love takes time and it’s a process.

If you think you are authentic and start expressing your liking, she may perceive you as being needy and pushy.

I remember a Date when I started saying “I like you” after 2 hours.

She was really an awesome girl. She told— “we have just met and how can you like me so soon”.

At that time, I didn’t have any clue and I started justifying.

And the result? She didn’t want to go again on a second date.

Why? It is not because she didn’t like me. She liked me, but she would have thought that I might be needy and pushy later if we decide to date further

However, Not knowing what you are seeking might work with the woman who is not looking for serious long term.

If you meet a woman who is sure of herself what she is looking for, I will suggest that you better be yourself, otherwise she will walk away.

When I had just started dating, I was trying to PLEASE her just to get to like me.

But, it does not end well.

Being yourself gives the vibes of self-reliance. You must be clear about your intentions to attract the kind of woman you deserve.

There is a saying— “when you do not know what you want, you will end up reaching where you don’t want to arrive”.

What I am telling here is that you do not have to play any games.

If you like her, simply tell her about it but do not do too much because “too much, too soon causes rejection”.

When I go on a date now, I clearly tell my intentions when I am asked. If she and I are wanting different things, it’s better not to see them again.

It saves lot of time and energy.

Being authentic will get you the kind of woman you are looking for.

When you show your authenticity and do your best on the first date, you will not have to take the rejection personally.

When we give our best in any area of life, we feel satisfied even if the outcome is not aligned to what we deserve.

The key is to be authentic on the first date and keep trying unless you meet your lovely woman.

Patience is really a virtue and so many people are suffering through this disease of impatience.

How poor are they that have no Patience- Shakespeare

Why are some people so impatient?

If you are one of them- have you ever asked yourself, “why am I so impatient?”.

You might be patient in some areas of life, but impatient in some other neglected areas.

What is it that you are doing to be patient in some areas? Do you want to be patient in those neglected areas?

Impatience can cause fear, stress and discouragement.

Impatience arises when we want to achieve something quicker in life.

You may see some successful people showing up on social media and think of their success as overnight. Let me tell you that any success is never overnight. Successful people have already spent days, months and years to achieve their dreams to get things and to be where they are now.

Success in any field always depends on PATIENCE.

When you work on a challenging goal, not all your strategies are going to work in one time and failure is common. You must be patient and keep moving.

Impatience for a short period of time is OK because it helps you to think about your approach in life.

But you can’t afford to be impatient always.

You have to have patience with yourself and you have to have patience with others as well.

While driving, I observe that some people are rushing so much and that tells me about their impatience behavior. Some people just keep honking just to get ahead. When I observe this behavior, that makes me think that driving impatiently is one of the reasons for road Rashes.

Impatience is usually the result of the fear we have in our mind and heart.

When we are in the fearful state, we are in an illusion to do something and that does not end well.

There was one area where I was impatient some 5 years ago, and that was my relationship with the ex-girlfriend. I was living in fear and always questioned- what if she leaves me? What if she does this and that?

Over the period, I have gained so much confidence and patience with myself and others.

How I became patient?

I read books on how to be patient.

When we are in the impatient mode, we tend to do things quickly. Doing things quickly may not end well.

“Desire to have things done quickly, prevents their being done thoroughly.”- Confucius.

Whenever I get impatient with anything, I just ask myself- “what is my purpose and mission in life? Why am I here”. I shift the focus from impatience to something meaningful in life.

During impatient times, I also think of nature, its plant and the trees. I just sit on my patio and look at the trees and plants. It gives me feeling that “nature reveals its secrets at its own time”. However, you rush to make a tree grow, it doesn’t work that way.

Then, why are we so impatient?

Patience is simply having faith without any doubt that things will work out soon.

When we become so much patient with ourselves, we just know that things will work out in the future, even though they are not working now.

My spiritual guru Wayne Dyer always said- “Infinite patience creates immediate results”.

Some time ago, I was working on some important project that I really love. Sometimes, I felt the need to rush things and I could notice the clouds of Impatience over my head. I was trying to finish off things quickly, and later I realized that the completed things were not completed the way I wanted to be.

My heartbeat was getting faster due to impatience.

I just closed my eyes and started meditation for 2 mins, “release, release, let go, let go”.

I have learned a lot of patience in the last 2 years. I can clearly say at this point in life that I am being patient with myself and others. 

When I see impatient behavior in others, I simply say Thank you to God and the universe, to give me the wisdom of being patient.

Whenever I feel impatience, I do this

• Think about the times in the past when I achieved goals by being patient.
• Close my eyes and think about my purpose and mission in life.
• Think about the trees and plants.
• Think about someone who faced bodily injury and they recovered in days and months, no matter how soon they wanted that to be recovered.

If you fill different colors of balloons and let them go in the sky, which one do you think will go high?

The black or the colored one?

They all will go high.

It doesn’t really matter what the color of your skin is. It doesn’t matter if you are black, brown or white.

What matters is how you think and how you live your life.

How do you feel about the body you occupy?

Your attitude towards your body impacts the atoms and molecules that comprise the body. Happy thoughts make happy molecules. –Deepak Chopra.

In world history, there have been many people who were not white, but they rose to the top.

Barack Obama became the president of the United States, and that means anyone with any skin color can go high.

So many people in the world are having an inferiority complex about their skin color and they literally feel that they are not successful just because of their color.

Wrong!

In some societies where arranged marriages are still applicable, it is sad to see that people give a lot of importance to the color. If you are white, then you will have better prospects.

My question is why?

Why do we judge people based on their color? Why don’t we see what they have inside them?

If you are judging people on their color, you are separating yourself from the divine universal power and you are letting your ego take charge. EGO means Edged God Out.

Especially in arrange marriages, everyone wants to get married to a fair-skinned person. Never forget that beauty will fade away with time, but what you have inside your heart and mind, will never fade away.

It’s great to look good. You can always look good If you can carry yourself with confidence.

There are so many beauty products in the market claiming to make you fair-skinned. This is total discrimination. These beauty product ads are just telling you to judge people.

You need to work out on your physical health.

You can always have a great physical health by exercising and eating healthy. People confuse physical health with looks and skin color.

There is no concept of perfection in the universe, and it does also apply to your physical body.

If you are striving for physical perfection, you are striving for the failure in life.

Become a person of value rather than physically perfect. Your physical outlook is going to change with time and it is natural. If you are trying to go against nature, you are welcoming the natural disaster in your life. Think about it!

No one can stop the process that is the ever-changing body. – Wayne Dyer

Have a good attitude towards your body. Honor it and have good welcoming thoughts.

The purity of thoughts will make your body healthy. Never complain about your body. If you feel that you are out of shape, accept it, eat good and exercise.

If you don’t feel good about your body, others will also perceive you that way.

Try to think in this way. Your physical body is temporary is this world. Your soul is permanent. Your body is just like a garage to your soul. You definitely need to take care of your body. But you don’t have to be so concerned with your physical perfection. You are god’s gift and your body is unique. Your soul has shown up in this physical body.

If you do have self-doubts and inferiority complex about your physical body, just PAUSE for a minute and think about all the dark-skinned and not-so-good-looking personalities of the world who moved the needle of this world.

If they can do it and rise to the high, you can also do it.

Everyone wants to have a good-looking partner. Fair enough. There is nothing wrong with this, but don’t forget to see inside them. Only good looks will not take to the far in life.

It is also connected to your self-image. Even if you are perceived in the world as a good-looking person, what if your self-image is that you don’t feel good about your self?

There are so many celebrities who have committed suicide or wrecked their life. Why? Because they didn’t have a good self-image.

Whenever I see a person with good looks, a question pops up in my mind “How do they perceive themselves? Do they have good self-image”?

Confidence is the key here. If you walk and talk like a confident person, this is more beautiful than anything else.

While growing up, I had a lot of doubts and inferiority complex about my physical body.

Part of the reason is that some guys used to tease me when I was in school just because I am brown.

At that time, I started feeling bad about myself and as a result, I was low in confidence.

I still remember the time when I was 9 years old when a close relative commented on my skin color. To be honest, I couldn’t face that person after that for years. Now, when I see them, my confidence is high with the head on my shoulders.

Also, a guy in my mid-school told me that I have a thick lower lip. What?

I started feeling bad about that and became very conscious about that because I didn’t have a good self-image at that time.

People’s opinion is just their opinion and you don’t have to listen to that.

But now, people tell me that I have got very attractive lips and a great smile. Whenever anybody told me years ago that I have a good smile, I never believed them.

But, now I do. I respect the way I am.

I am fortunate that I have overcome all those fears and inferiority complexes about myself. I have gained the confidence.

Confidence makes you a very attractive person.

I have accepted the fact that I have shown up in this body and I am brown in skin color.  I am proud to be like this.

I feel sorry for all those who judge people based on their physical body and I request them to change it.

When you change the way, you look at the things, the things you look at change. -Wayne Dyer.

I am thankful to all those people who commented on me. You all made me stronger and stronger.

Pain helps to grow and change. Love yourself. Love your body. Your body is a Gift to you.

You show up in this temporary body but your soul is permanent

It is not the color that matters, it is the stuff inside that matters the most.

It is not the color that determines how high you go, it is the stuff inside that sends you high.

Get the self-doubt out of your mind and all the inferiority complex residing in your mind.