Attachment Styles, Communication in Relationships, Fear of Commitment and Healthy Boundaries — Lisa Scott

Attachment Styles, Communication in Relationships, Fear of Commitment and Healthy Boundaries — Lisa Scott

“Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.”

Gabor Maté

This post highlights some of the resources by Lisa Scott listened to, recently which I enjoyed so much. In fact, I have been listening to this podcast on repeat. So, here is backstory. In the second week of April 2021, I was feeling deep emotional pain and heartache. I’ve been in the process of understanding and uncovering my own childhood issues and trauma. I had heard Gabor Mate and other Legendaries mention about parent-child attachments during early years and how it shapes our relationships with ourselves and with others when we grow older.

I searched “attachment” on Spotify and this new podcast from Lisa popped up. As I started listening—I was completely thrilled and it resonated with me so much that I could go back (in my mind) to my childhood and see some deep things with less resistance and better clarity.

Hence, I decided to list down all the podcast episodes I listened to in a week so that you can also learn about attachment styles and their close siblings.

Lisa Scott is a licensed professional counselor and host of her own podcast, What’s Next With Lisa Scott. Lisa is well known for her solution based and client focused style of therapy. Aside from hosting her own podcast, Lisa owns a private practice, and is a professor of psychology. With over fifteen years of experience as a mental health professional and experience ranging from crisis intervention in a clinical setting to working with families and individuals, Lisa’s  passion and focus remains on empowering people to establish healthy loving relationships not only with themselves but with others in their life .

Lisa’s podcast is for all ages and all walks all life. If you’re human this podcast is for you. Lisa Scott is a licensed professional counselor who has developed techniques to start living a more authentic, fulfilled life, by taking common theories from the therapy world and making them relatable and something people can connect to. Anger, sadness, anxiety, self worth, authenticity and how to take your power back are just of the the concepts she discusses.

Connect with Lisa: Twitter | Instagram | Email | Support the show(Paypal)

Please be sure to see the important disclaimer at the bottom of this post. Now, please enjoy!

Podcasts I listened to:

  • Anxious Attachment in Relationships: In this episode, Lisa talks about what it looks like to anxiously attach to people in relationships, and how that can hinder your relationship success. Listen to this episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get your podcasts.
  • Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships: In this episode Lisa discusses, fearful avoidant relationship style. This attachment style can prove to be one of the most difficult, because these people withdrawal often times with no warning when things get too intimate. Listen in as Lisa explains how to spot it in someone you’re dating, how to spot it in yourself, and how to work through it to form a secure attachment. 
  • Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style in Relationships: In this episode, Lisa discusses third attachment style, dismissive avoidant style. This attachment style can be a result of a caregiver who minimized their child’s feelings, and therefore never taught the child how to feel or to be comfortable with anyone else’s feelings. Listen in, as Lisa tells you what it is, how to spot it, and what to do about it. 
  • Secure Attachment in Relationships: In this episode, Lisa details what secure attachment is, what it feels like, how to find it, and how to take care of it. If you’re craving a healthy relationship, listen in learn how to connect to yourself and those around you in a way that feels empowered and healthy. 
  • Communication in Relationships: Why does communicating in your relationship always seem so hard??? Listen in, as Lisa goes through what healthy communication in a relationship looks like as well as gives some pointers and advice regarding how to start communicating more effectively in your relationship, today! Lisa also answers a listeners question about how to get over a break up. 
  • Healthy Boundaries and Toxic Positivity: In this episode, Lisa helps you work through how to set healthy boundaries that feel good and don’t alienate everyone around you. Lisa also addresses how being too positive all of the time can actually become a toxic coping mechanism.
  • Do You Have A Fear of Commitment?: In this episode, Lisa explains what a fear of commitment actually means and she explains how to get to the root of pushing through that discomfort. Lisa also details what kind of things you need to do to help ensure you can enter a relationship with a secure attachment vs an anxious or insecure one. 

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Please note that Information shared in this post is for educational purposes only, and is not intended in any way as psychological treatment, advice or consultation of any kind. “if you are struggling with relationship issues,trauma and other mental health issues, please seek the treatment of a licensed mental health professional.

The Nishant Garg Show:

This show is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. S

This podcast is brought to you by Friday Newsletter. If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

Trauma and Addiction: Resources, Podcasts, Blogs, Books, and More — Gabor Maté

“Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.”

Gabor Maté

This post highlights some of the resources by Dr. Gabor Maté I read, listened to, recently which I enjoyed immensely and helped me in gaining a better understanding of myself, my own trauma, coping mechanisms, and much more. I will keep on sharing my other learnings on healing, addiction, trauma, and recovery. If these resources help you in some ways, I’d love to hear about your experiences. Please feel free to email me or comment on this post.

A renowned speaker, and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development. Rather than offering quick-fix solutions to these complex issues, Dr. Gabor Maté weaves together scientific research, case histories, and his own insights and experience to present a broad perspective that enlightens and empowers people to promote their own healing and that of those around them.

The bestselling author of four books published in over twenty-five languages, Gabor is an internationally renowned speaker highly sought after for his expertise on addiction, trauma, childhood development, and the relationship of stress and illness.  His books include In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With AddictionWhen the Body Says No; The Cost of Hidden StressScattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder; and (with Dr. Gordon Neufeld) Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers.

Please be sure to see the important disclaimer at the bottom of this post. Now, please enjoy!

YouTube talks:

Blogs I read:

  • How to Build a Better Culture of Good Health: [Important notes]: link of diseases with emotional life patterns, self-imposed stress is a major risk factor for disease of all kinds, compulsive self-disregard and emotional repression, early childhood coping dynamics may result in adult illness and dysfunction.
  • BEYOND DRUGS: The Universal Experience of Addiction: Addiction is manifested in any behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up.

Podcasts I listened to:

  • Dr. Gabor Maté — New Paradigms, Ayahuasca, and Redefining Addiction (#298): “Trauma isn’t what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you.” I have already listened to this episode a few times and every time I uncover my own childhood trauma and try to attempt to understand the cause. I highly recommend to listen to this podcast with Tim Ferriss.
  • When the Body Says No: The Costs of Hidden Stres‪s‬: Learn how to prevent and heal illnesses related to hidden stress. Can a person literally die of loneliness? Is there a connection between the ability to express emotions and Alzheimer’s disease? Is there such a thing as a “cancer personality”?  Stress and emotions play in an array of common diseases, including arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease and multiple sclerosis.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: Please note that Information shared in this post is for educational purposes only, and is not intended in any way as psychological treatment, advice or consultation of any kind. “if you are struggling with trauma and other mental health issues, please seek the treatment of a licensed mental health professional.

The Nishant Garg Show:

This show is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. S

This podcast is brought to you by Friday Newsletter. If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

My Lessons learned on Love, Relationships, Sex, Eroticism From Esther Perel

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. 

– Esther Perel

I am very fascinated about learning new things about love, relationships, sex, and how the quality of our life shapes when we cultivate deep and rich relationships with ourselves and others. I am deeply in love with the work of Esther Perel.

These are some of the resources by Esther Perel I read, listened to, recently which I enjoyed immensely and helped me in gaining a better understanding of myself and connecting with others. I will keep on sharing my other learnings on relationships. Now, please enjoy. If these resources help you in some ways, I’d love to hear about your experiences. Please feel free to email me or comment on this post.

[Disclaimer: I don’t have a personal contact with Esther yet, nor has she been on my podcast yet. I am always inspired to share my learnings with others and this is my way of sharing and giving back]

Esther Perel is a Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author. Recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence became a global phenomenon translated into 25 languages. Her newest book is the New York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity (HarperCollins). Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin

Blogs I read:

  • Rituals For Healthy Relationships At Every Stage: Routines are concrete repetitive actions that help us develop skills while creating continuity and order. They ground us and create familiarity. Rituals, on the other hand, are routines that are elevated by creativity, driven by intention, and imbued with meaning. 
  • How Erotic Thinking Helps Emotional Connection: Freedom and security are twin faces of the same coin. Eroticism isn’t inherently sexual; it’s an experience of aliveness which beats back deadness. Creativity is where Eroticism lives. Trying something new—especially something creative—is a great way to jumpstart emotional connection.
  • Coping With Loneliness Around The Holidays: Feeling lonely around the holidays can make us feel as if something is wrong with us. Everybody else seems to know how to be happy, how to be together, how to be festive, merry, and bright. But feeling lonely around the winter holidays is extremely common. And even more so during this year of isolation.

Podcasts I listened to:

Audio book I enjoy on my walk: Esther Perel’s Where Should We Begin?: The Arc of Love: Esther Perel invites you to listen to private and intimate conversations exploring the evolution of relationships. Hear six sets of people at different points in their quest for romantic and familial love, and much more

Transcript I read: Esther Perel: Building Resilient Relationships

I hope you enjoyed reading and learning from this blog as much as I enjoyed!

The Nishant Garg Show:

This show is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. S

This podcast is brought to you by Friday Newsletter. If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

Susanne Grant — Short Advice From The Best In The World

I crafted a list of 10 life’s philosophical questions that I wanted to answers for myself. I could easily answer the questions based on my thinking. I thought—what would it look like if I ask the same set of questions to the best in the world from the different domain—so that I can learn from them—what they do, how they think on the same questions, and much more! I started this with a little experiment and soon—I got 50+ people to say yes to send their responses. Now, I take the pleasure of sharing the expert’s information with you so that we all can learn and grow from each other.

If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

Susanne Grant is an Award-winning Work-Life Balance Integration Expert and Intuitive Business Coach & Consultant and International Bestselling Author of the book Leaders: Women Who Change The World Through Their Business. She supports Busy Business Owners and CEOs to scale their business by becoming an authority in their field without putting in more hours.

After being diagnosed with Complex PTSD at 17 and a burnout at 25, Susanne knew it was time for a drastic change. Even though she was told she was beyond help, she found a way to recover from the “unrecoverable” in the years to come. Understanding the importance of (mental) health and the impact it has on your daily life, performance and intimate relationships has given her great insights which she is now honored to give back to her clients.

For more info, Connect with Susanne: Website | LinkedIn

Nishant: You have interacted with many successful people over the years – what have you
found are the most beneficial exercises that people really feel have changed their
lives for the better?

Susanne: I have the honour of interacting with a lot of successful people over the years who felt absolutely rubbish on the inside. Even though they looked successful on the outside, they felt like a failure on the inside. What this taught me is that success is a mindset, success is a choice. Often installed in us during the early years of childhood, it becomes our blueprint for future success. Unraveling this and what you personally believe what success means to you, is the key to living a life that is fulfilling and satisfying – and not just looking like a success on the outside. Others don’t get to decide what success means to you. Hence me saying success is a choice, you can feel like the most successful person in the world and not have anything to show for and vice versa. The most important exercise I’ve learned therefore is gratitude. Be grateful for what you have and who you are, because let’s face it, there is only one of you! And that is worth celebrating any day!

Nishant: How do you cultivate joy in your life? Whom do you consider the most happy and
fulfilled to you personally, and why? Could you share any instance(s) that caused
you unhappiness and how you dealt with it?

Susanne: My baby boy when he is eating food is the happiest and fulfilled person I know. He is two years old and he loves food. The way he touches it, eats it and enjoys it, is something I never got to experience due to severe food allergies when I was a child – and even now still. Seeing him, it is changing my perception of food completely. Because, if that is the way food can make me feel that good and not cause pain, inflammation, allergic reactions or generally unhappy, I definitely want to be eating more!

In the past I’ve dealt with this by avoiding certain types of food when my body responded that way, however, thanks to my baby boy I noticed my relationship with food is changing completely. Rather than it feeling like a necessary evil it is shifting towards the most wonderful and nutritional experience you can give yourself!  

Nishant: How do you find the balance between being appreciative of what you already
have and striving to achieve more?

Susanne: I believe this ties in with mindset as I mentioned above. It is ok to want more, even if you are perfectly happy with what you have now. It is part of life to explore, develop and change! Although growing up, I was taught it was greedy to want more, it is not true. Life is about creating, growing and expanding, so the balance I find is a state of being where I am grateful for what I have and happy to be moving towards new and exciting things too.

Nishant: What advice people should ignore when suffering with depression, anxiety, or
any other negative emotions? Do you have a particular message you would like
to give to the people?

Susanne: The thing people should ignore is when others say there is nothing you can do about it, you are just going to have to live with it. I was diagnosed with complex PTSD at 17 and was told I was beyond help and I managed to resolve it completely. For me, it was tied in with the food allergies as my gut health was completely to pieces. We know now that gut health is very important in regards to general health and mental health. So if you are not seeing the results you want, it might be worth exploring your gut health. There are 8 billion people on this planet, statistically speaking there will be a few people out there able to help you! I can guarantee you that! Just because you haven’t found a solution yet, it doesn’t mean you are never going to be able to improve or completely resolve it in the future.

Please enjoy!

If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

The Nishant Garg Show is listened to in 24 countries and is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes. Please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. Subscribe to the Newsletter. You won’t be spammed! I hate spams too! You will receive only one email every Friday on the latest published podcasts.

My Short Journey: Letter To A Friend on Pain, Rejections, Experiments, Books, Meditation, and Much More

My Short Journey: Letter To A Friend on Pain, Rejections, Experiments, Books, Meditation and Much More. A friend asked me what books I have read or re-read in the last few years that might have made the most impact on my life. I thought it’s a good opportunity to reflect back in life and take notes of the books I’ve re-read so far, how I started meditation, and other resources.. Before I get into the resources—I’d like to share my short journey starting 2017 which I have never written about.

A friend asked me what books I have read or re-read in the last few years that might have made the most impact on my life. I thought it’s a good opportunity to reflect back on life and take notes of the books I’ve re-read so far, how I started meditation, and other resources.. Before I get into the resources—I’d like to share my short journey starting pin 2017 which I have never written about.

Now, let’s the story begin!

Year 2017

In February of 2017, I found myself saying why it always happens to me. The woman I was dating for a few months had broken up with up me. I was emotionally devastated. I had hit the rock bottom emotionally. It always seemed to be the same story—the girls I wanted to date parted their ways after sometime. I told myself—I have had enough and now no more.

I started searching on YouTube something along the lines of “how to find love or how to attract a woman”. I don’t remember the exact keywords—you get my point. I stumbled upon Coach Corey Wayne and his teachings changed the direction of my life. I have never been the same since then. I started listening to his audio book and recognized all the old patterns and beliefs, which were not serving me. I listened to his book 18 times in just 3.5 months. I started to gain confidence with women. I must say that building confidence in any skill takes time. Gaining confidence with women didn’t happen overnight. I started going on bunch of dates, kept failing, kept rising, and changing my approach.

I used to practice approaching 10 different women every day to start the conversation just enough to keep going. Repetition is the mother of skill. Initially, It was super scary and I was a nervous wreck. I didn’t stop and kept going. Any skills development takes times through hardships, failures and rejections. I wrote about my dating experience extensively in this blog post Dating and Relationships: Rejections, Confidence, Alpha Male, and Self-Reliance. You can read his book for free by subscribing to his newsletters. To this date, I have listened to this book 57 times and almost every day—I watch his YouTube videos while eating dinner. Again, repetition is the mother of skill. Confidence in one area gives strength and courage to build confidence in other areas. As a super introvert myself—my confidence with women started to show in different areas.

In the September of 2017, I applied for a job and negotiated for 30% salary increase.

I was about to turn 30 in July 2017. This was the only book I had ever read in the Personal development and Self-help world. As the saying goes—“What you don’t know, you don’t know”. Coach Corey Wayne always mentioned the work of Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer in his YouTube newsletters. As I was learning to unlearn my old patterns and seeing changes in myself, I decided to buy Tony Robbins book Money: Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom that gave me new insights about investing money in S&P500, index funds, and much more.

Somewhere around October timeframe, I bought Jim Rohn’s books

I wanted to learn the sales process and applied for a part time, and to my surprise—I got a part time job in a trampoline store for 3 months that paid me $15 per hour. My goal was to learn the sales and not to make money as my full time job as a software engineer was more than enough to pay my bills and live a good life.

Also, I started Japa meditation Getting In The Gap Meditation with Dr. Wayne Dyer and making bed became part of morning routines.

Year 2018

I was getting better from the inside. I wanted to create passive income and tried my hands in network marketing. After a few months, I realized this is not my cup of tea and decided to part ways. Somewhere around the July timeframe, I came across the work of Brendon Burchard. His work appealed to me so much that I signed up for his 5 day High Performance event in Phoenix in September. His Release meditation helped me in being consistent and since then meditation for 20-30 mins is part of my daily routine.

In November of 2018, I signed up a workshop in LA, which is called Masters In Transformational Training. I signed up for their 5 days BASIC workshop which led to another 5 days Advanced workshop, and then 4 months of Legacy program. I spent 6 months in all those workshops and visiting LA almost every month became my normal for 6 months. In that period, I made new friends and still great friends with them. Those workshops gave me new awareness, insights, understanding about others and myself. There were so many breakthroughs. One of the important one was to letting go of the self-judgment that I have an accent and can’t succeed in a foreign land. Once I did let of that judgement, things turned around. What a beautiful and yet challenging 6 months.

I was doing bunch of experiments. I started running free mastermind virtual classes on productivity and to my surprise—only one friend showed up in all the classes. I didn’t give up.  I kept going.

Year 2019

In the March of 2019, I decided to buy a 2500 sq. ft. house for myself and the move happened in May with so much excitement and joy—until I found myself unhappy about living in such a big house. I didn’t want to deal with so many responsibilities and decided to sell it off. It took me 6 months to decide to sell the house. I needed more peace of mind than the financial benefits and chose the former.

I was also teaching free classes about productivity and energy management in coffee shops. There were times only one person would show up and many other times—no one.

Year 2020

I wasn’t feeling excited about my software job. It was on Jan 6 morning—I was feeling very depressed before going to the work after the winter break. I wrote down my feelings in a journal and the total pages filled were seven. I realized—what if I find a way to record these pages and help someone going through the same trajectory. That moment gave birth to the podcast “The Nishant Garg Show”.

In July of 2020, I had sold the house, moved to new part of town, and downsized to 650 sq. ft. apartment.

Let’s look at the resources now:

Books: Below is the list of books I started reading since 2017. Some I have read it a few times, and others I’ve read it dozens of times. Please note that there are some books I still revisit from time to time when the need and situation arises.

Meditation: I believe in simplicity and keep my meditation simple and sweet. Most of the time, I just close my eyes and practice silent meditation.

Motivation audios. Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn, and Les Brown are my favorite go-to people on YouTube whenever I need some motivation and I always feel motivated after listening to them.

Please enjoy!

If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

The Nishant Garg Show is listened to in 24 countries and is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes. Please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. Subscribe to the Newsletter. You won’t be spammed! I hate spams too! You will receive only one email every Friday on the latest published podcasts.

Lisa DeAngelis — Short Life Advice From The Best In The World

I crafted a list of 10 life’s philosophical questions that I wanted to answers for myself. I could easily answer the questions based on my thinking. I thought—what would it look like if I ask the same set of questions to the best in the world from the different domain—so that I can learn from them—what they do, how they think on the same questions, and much more! I started this with a little experiment and soon—I got 50+ people to say yes to send their responses. Now, I take the pleasure of sharing the expert’s information with you so that we all can learn and grow from each other.

If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

Dr. Lisa DeAngelis has facilitated programs focused on leadership and transformative teaching at Wharton, Novo Nordisk, West Point, Astra-Zeneca, LEGO, and MIT. Dr. DeAngelis’ research focuses on transformative teaching and she has been published in many peer-reviewed journals. She brings thirty years of divisional and corporate leadership experience to the work of preparing leaders to excel in the twenty-first century.

Connect with Lisa DeAngelis: Website | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook

Please enjoy this conversation with Lisa!

Nishant Garg: You have interacted with many successful people over the years—what have you found are the most beneficial exercises that people really feel have changed their lives for the better?

Lisa DeAngelis: I think the first is to evaluate on a regular basis what success means to you. Stripping away everyone else’s expectations and really learning to listen to what is true for you. I’ll give you an example from my own experience. Early in my career, I decided to make the transition from Operations to Human Resources. I knew that—if done right— I would be able to have more influence on the organization from that purview. It meant—of course—taking a big step “backward” from a title and compensation perspective. This was an entirely new career and I’d need to learn from the ground up. I was fine with that because I was focused on the long game. However, senior leaders in the company, friends, and even family couldn’t understand why I would do this and tried to convince me not to. 

Nishant Garg: In the last 3 years, how have you handled work/life challenges? If so, what questions do you ask yourself during tough times? What does your support system look like (any go-to-person)?

Lisa DeAngelis: First, I should start by saying that I think work/life balance is a misconception. It’s not a teeter totter where, on one side you have life and on the other you have work and your goal is to keep them balanced. That takes such effort and at the end of the day— you’re just trying to keep some illusionary status quo. Instead, I choose to think about it as work-life integration. How do you— the human being—lead a fulfilling life. And, as I noted in my response to the earlier question, the person who defines fulfillment is you. No two people are going to approach it the same way. 

Second, work-life integration is fluid based on the current context. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my primary focus became my health and wellbeing. When the pandemic hit, my primary focus was pivoting the products of the Center so that they could be delivered virtually in a manner consistent with our values.

Lastly, while there are different “buckets” or “slices” of your life—some people think in terms of family, friends, work, self, spirituality, community, to name a few— there are ways to bring these together. For example, anyone who has gone for a terminal degree knows how all-consuming the process is. My son was in high school while I was doing coursework. So, the two of us would sit at the dining room table and do homework together and talk about what we were working on. Later, when I was working on my dissertation a group of us would convene at a friend’s house once a month for a weekend just to write. We would each find a quiet place to do our work, and at the same time—we’d pause to enjoy meals together.

I love your question about a support system! In my work, I have labelled this— your “tribe”— those people committed to supporting you on your journey and your “local guides” those people you need to get you through this current leg of the journey. I’ll give you an example of each. I recognize just how fortunate I am that my husband is a key member of my tribe. He has taken the time to understand my aspirations and has, at each turn, found a way to support me in realizing them. One example of this was when, as the primary breadwinner and insurance carrier, I was laid off. By the time I got home, I had already framed out a business plan to start my own business. Without blinking an eye, Tony jumped right in to help me make it happen. At the same time, there are many nuances to business that I don’t know and needed guidance on—which form of business made most sense for me; how to create my website; how to build a brand—in each of these cases, I reached out to my network (or asked them to reach out to their network) to find me someone with that expertise. These are local guides in that, while I may tap back into them episodically, they don’t need to be invested in the long haul.

Nishant Garg: What practices do you have in your life to calm your mind and body during overwhelming moments? Any recommendation to someone who often feels stressed out?

Lisa DeAngelis: I practice Nichiren Buddhism. In this practice, each morning and evening we chant. In the morning we set our intentions—what is it that we want to be able to affect through our practice. And, in the evening we give thanks for the opportunities the day has presented for us to grow and develop. This is one of the things I love about this particular Buddhist practice— you’re not meant to take yourself out of the challenges of daily life. In fact, those issues actually fuel our progress. The hard part is that means I can’t just be a Buddhist twice a day – when I’m in front of my altar. It’s being able to tap into the practice when I’m in the midst of a confrontation or stressful situation. And, for me sometimes that means walking away from it for a bit; sometimes it means going for a walk; sometimes it means talking it through with a friend or colleague; and, sometimes, when I have to stay in the situation, it means becoming more aware of my breathing—bringing me back to myself. The hope is that, eventually, this will lead me to see the lesson that is in this struggle for me, and my opportunity to grow.

So, whether your practice is listen to music or taking a walk in nature or taking a brief break and shifting to something else or hashing it out with someone else, find the thing—or things—that work for you and lean into them.

However, I want to pay attention to the last bit of your question “…who often feels stressed out…” Often is a clue here. If you find yourself more stressed than not, over time, that’s not healthy. In this case, I’d recommend actually taking a bit of time—a long weekend, a mini vacation—to reflect on what is at the root of your stress and how you might deal with it differently. In other words, is there a healthier, more balanced way to approach the stressors?

One simple example is if you have more work on your plate than you can reasonably get done. Is it because you are afraid to say “no” to anything that is asked of you? Is it because you don’t have clear timelines on priorities? Is it because you have a hard time delegating? Take the time to think about not just what is causing the issue but why. Then, armed with these insights—begin to take steps to address them. Perhaps this means sitting with your boss to work with them to align priorities and deadlines. Perhaps this means letting someone know that you would like to help them but the earliest you can get to it is … (a polite no or at least a renegotiation of timing). Perhaps this means working with someone to teach them how to do something so that you no longer have to (more work in the short-term but the pay-off is that it frees you up to focus on other things).

Nishant Garg: How do you find the balance between being appreciative of what you already have and striving to achieve more?

Lisa DeAngelis: Such a great question. My personal belief is that gratitude allows you to be more expansive, more impactful. Rather than striving from a place of lack, you are building from a platform of hope. An analogy I often use is that of a sailboat in the wind. Are you fighting a headwind, or exploiting a tailwind? It’s a matter of perspective. 

As I mentioned earlier, the Center I run was significantly impacted by the pandemic. The leadership development program we run has been conducted in-person since it’s inception nearly two decades ago as have our annual fundraising events. We chose to leverage this opportunity to rethink what we were doing, why we were doing it, and how it might be done differently. This “crisis” gave us the opportunity to see our Center with fresh eyes, to be thankful for the strong foundation we had, that we were able to build an entirely new edifice upon. To answer your question, though, while I’m happy that we’re able to deliver this experience for our current fellows, I’m also acutely aware that our alumni are facing the same challenges and am eager to find a way to support them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is a balance of being grateful for those that I’ve been able to help while also looking to widen that sphere.

Please enjoy!

If you’d like to learn more about what I am reading, new documentaries, what I am learning new, recent podcast updates, things I am experimenting with, or anything —which I share extensively in my weekly short and sweet “Friday Newsletter”. No spam ever! I hate that too!

The Nishant Garg Show is listened to in 24 countries and is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me. If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes. Please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me. Subscribe to the Newsletter. You won’t be spammed! I hate spams too! You will receive only one email every Friday on the latest published podcasts.

Sally Helgesen — Short Advice From The Best In The World

I crafted a list of 10 life’s philosophical questions that I wanted to answers for myself. I could easily answer the questions based on my thinking. I thought—what would it look like if I ask the same set of questions to the best in the world from the different domain—so that I can learn from them—what they do, how they think on the same questions, and much more! I started this with a little experiment and soon—I got 50+ people to say yes to send their responses. Now, I take the pleasure of sharing the expert’s information with you so that we all can learn and grow from each other.

Sally Helgesen, cited in Forbes as the world’s premier expert on women’s leadership, is an internationally best-selling author, speaker and leadership coach. She has been ranked number 6 among the world’s top 30 leadership thinkers by Global Gurus, honored by the coaching consortium MEECO for her transformational influence on organizational cultures and chosen as the Thinkers 50/100 Coaches world’s top coach for women leaders.

Sally’s most recent book, How Women Rise, co-authored with legendary executive coach Marshall Goldsmith, examines the behaviors most likely to get in the way of successful women. It became the top-seller in its field within a week of publication and rights have been sold in 15 languages.

All the books can be found here

Connect with Sally: Website | LinkedIn | Twitter | Facebook

Please enjoy this conversation with Sally!

Nishant Garg: What books—or even movies and documentaries—would you recommend to someone who want to live a meaningful life? What books have you gifted the most, and why?

Sally Helgesen: The book I most often recommend and give is The Tao of Power, RL Wing’s translation of Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching. It’s quite simply the best book on leadership—and for living—that I know. I also routinely give books by Richard Rohr and Pema Chodron, both of whom I find enormously helpful.

Nishant Garg: What does your first 60 to 90 minutes in the morning look like? What are your specific rituals on a regular basis?

Sally Helgesen: My first 90 minutes is always the same. I spend 30 minutes drinking my coffee and doing inspirational or spiritual reading, often from the books noted above. Or it might be the Psalms. The next 30 minutes I do a mixed Pilates and yoga routine. Then I take 30 minutes to shower, dress and prepare my desk for the day. Please note: I do my morning reading from books, not on my phone or laptop. I find these distracting—I might start checking messages or news. I don’t open these devices until I’ve completed my routine. For me, it’s essential to spend the first 90 minutes grounding myself, not addressing my tasks.

Nishant Garg: You have interacted with many successful people over the years—what have you found are the most beneficial exercises that people really feel have changed their lives for the better?

Sally Helgesen: Marshall Goldsmith’s daily questions and his feed forward technique, by far. I’m also a big fan of peer coaching. I use it myself, teach it and urge it as a way to stay honest hold yourself accountable for being the person you want to be.

Nishant Garg: In the last 3 years, how have you handled work/life challenges? If so, what questions do you ask yourself during tough times? What does your support system look like(any go-to-person)?

Sally Helgesen: I have faced many challenges. When anything comes up, my first question is always, who should I ask about this. I have a big support network and I engage people very specifically for help and advice. I don’t believe in trying to do it alone. My go-to person is my peer coach, with whom I have worked almost daily for the past 11 years. She always spots my evasions, workarounds, fears and excuses. I do the same for her. I find that working with a peer coach takes pressure off my relationship with my husband and family, freeing me to enjoy them rather than looking to them for answers, except in those instances when I specifically identify them as the person I can best engage for advice.

Nishant Garg: What advice people should ignore when suffering with depression, anxiety, or any other negative emotions? Do you have a particular message you would like to give to the people?

Sally Helgesen: I can’t speak to depression or any clinical condition—I have no experience or background in these matters. But in my experience, day-to-day anxiety, which can be quite debilitating, most often results from an unwillingness to let something go, an inability to recognize that we can do our best, but a lot lies outside our control.

Nishant Garg: What practices do you have in your life to calm your mind and body during overwhelming moments? Any recommendation to someone who constantly feels stressed out?

Sally Helgesen: Breathing, always coming back to the breath, to the now, is the best way I know to get centered. And I notice that people who are stressed out are usually not really breathing so I advise that they give it a try. Your mind can’t really process being in two places at once, so if you’re putting your awareness on your breath, you don’t have the mental space to be anxious.

Nishant Garg: How do you cultivate joy in your life? Whom do you consider the most happy and fulfilled to you personally, and why? Could you share any instance(s) that caused you unhappiness and how you dealt with it?

Sally Helgesen: I read a great quote: “joy is awareness united with appreciation:. So to cultivate joy, I try to remain aware of the moment—this is where breathing comes in—while appreciating every facet of the moment. It could be bright sunshine, or soulful rain, or birdsong, or a warm house—gratitude is most effective when sought in the small, everyday conditions of life. I believe with Henri Nouwen, another author I often read in the morning that “Joy does not simply happen to us, we have to choose joy. And keep choosing it every day.” So I keep a running gratitude list to remind me.

Nishant Garg: How do you find the balance between being appreciative of what you already have and striving to achieve more? 

Sally Helgesen: This is key to a happy life. Lao Tzu points the way—you mindfully decide at what point your intervention or action is most likely to be effective. You then take that action but recognize you can’t control the result. This to me is the most important lesson of life: you’ve got to try, but you can’t be invested in the outcome. Samuel Johnson got it right: “Still raise for good the comprehending voice/ But leave to heaven the timing and the choice.” So more prosaically did Stephen Covey, who advised that we always distinguish between our circle of concern and our circle of control and make an effort to align them.

Nishant Garg: What are some of the things you have changed your mind about in the last few years? Do you have any other favorite quote(s) or life philosophy you live your life by? 

Sally Helgesen: In recent years, I’ve benefitted enormously by learning to let go of expectations. Big expectations—“I expect that my efforts will be rewarded.” Small expectations—“You’d think that person would have noticed/ learned/ would not have said, would understand …” fill in the dots. So I ask myself, have I done the best I can, and then strive to really let it go at that. I find this approach makes everything simpler and makes me a happier person.  

Nishant Garg: Could you share any conversation from your life, or maybe more than one conversation that has made the most impact in your life? What is the biggest lesson you took away?

Sally Helgesen: Marshall Goldsmith once gave me a mantra—”Am I right about this? Probably so. Do I need to make the point? Probably not.” I found this very helpful. I tend to have a lot of opinions and to be eager to share them. This doesn’t always make me the best listener. So I’ve worked to become more mindful about when and whether I should weigh in. I have a little sign on my desk that says, WAIT. It’s an acronym for Why Am I Talking? In other words, do I need to say this, or would I be better off hearing what others have to say? These practices have made me a more effective and thoughtful communicator, which has served me—and others—quite well. I’ve also heard this described as “practicing the sacred pause.” And I try to do that, especially in personal relationships or relationships with a volatile history.

The Nishant Garg Show:

This show is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement.

For any question, please contact me.

If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me.

Subscribe to the Newsletter. You won’t be spammed! I hate spams too! You will receive only one email every Friday on the latest published podcasts

Ultimate Books I’ve Loved — Alisa Cohn, Cara Bradley, Marc Lesser

This blog post highlight the books mentioned by Alisa Cohn, Cara Bradley, and Marc Lesser on my podcast “The Nishant Garg Show”. My goal is to tease out the habits and routines from the experts in their fields. We don’t have to reinvent the same wheel when someone else has already invented it. Take the approach, tweak it and experiment with it based on your environments, constraints and variables.

This blog post highlights the books mentioned by Alisa CohnCara Bradley, and Marc Lesser on my podcast “The Nishant Garg Show”. My goal is to tease out the habits and routines of the experts in their fields. We don’t have to reinvent the same wheel when someone else has already invented it. Take the approach, tweak it and experiment with it based on your environments, constraints, and variables.

Sometimes when I read a book, I don’t always understand it or find it compelling to keep reading it. It doesn’t mean that the book is bad — either I have a knowledge gap to understand the book’s content or I am not where I need to be to grasp a particular book.

Here you go!

Alisa Cohn is an executive coach who works with senior executives and high potential leaders to help them create positive permanent shifts in their leadership impact and the results they achieve. She was named the #1 Startup Coach in the world at the 2019 Thinkers50 Marshall Goldsmith Coaching Awards in London, and also named one of the Top 30 Global Gurus for Startups of 2020.

Books recommended by Alisa Cohn (and by me). Listen to the full interview!

Cara Bradley is a Mental Fitness Coach who has spent three decades training high performers—including CEO’s and elite athletes—to work and play in optimal states of flow using science-backed practices and protocols.

Books recommended by Cara Bradley. Listen to the full interview!

Marc Lesser is known for his engaging, experiential presentations that integrate mindfulness and emotional intelligence practices and training. He is the author of 4 books, including Seven Practices of a Mindful Leader: Lessons from Google and a Zen Monastery Kitchen, and CEO of ZBA Associates, an executive development and leadership consulting company.

Books recommended by Marc Lesser. Listen to the full interview!

Please enjoy!



The Nishant Garg Show: This show is about extracting information on Mindfulness, Personal Development, Spirituality. I am on a mission to spread Mindfulness and I’d love for you to join me in this movement. For any question, please contact me.

If you have enjoyed listening to my podcasts, please subscribe to the new podcast updates on Itunes please provide your reviews on Itunes which will really help me.

Subscribe to the Newsletter. You won’t be spammed! I hate spams too! You will receive only one email every Friday on the latest published podcasts.